Every person that comes into our life is there by permission only.  With the exception of family — we choose who we allow in our intimate space and they learn how to love us by what we allow and what we do — not what we say. 

 

That part, what we allow, is not as simple as it sounds because allowance is often confused with tolerance.  Healthy allowance is not the same as unhealthy tolerance.  Unhealthy toleration is allowing the unacceptable.  What we healthily allow, in general, should be based on wisdom, benefit or, healthy compassion or compromise. Note To Self: If you accept what you should reject, you will become unhealthy.

 

The bible says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3).  This is tricky because, as this scripture implies, before we can agree to walk together with somebody else, we have to have an agreement with and for ourselves about love.

 

Agreement with self is the beginning of teaching people how to love us or knowing when we’re with someone who wants to hold us but cannot handle the requirements of us.  Think about an agreement, any agreement, that disagrees with the agreement that you have with yourself…Would you accept that agreement?  No, not if you are convicted and convinced about the benefits of the love agreement that you have with you.

 

 

A love agreement with ourselves is only as good as it is healthy.  An unhealthy agreement with self is based on unhealthy, insecure, immature or damaged emotions, or an inability to trust or rely on self to honor your agreement. An unhealthy love agreement with self is the same as not having a love agreement at all.  Note To Self:  We cannot give, teach or walk in agreement with what we don’t have.  Establish a healthy love agreement with self and pray for the strength and the courage to honor it by whatever Godly means necessary. 

 

Not that you are perfect, not that the love of your life will be perfect and, not that love does not require work, vulnerability, flexibility and compromise, but the only direction that you can agree to go in has to prosper you and not harm you — or them (Jeremiah 29:11).  Honoring your love with behavior that agrees with your Savior (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), goes for what you expect and what you give.  We cannot convince somebody that we have a healthy agreement with self if the love we expect is not the love we give.  Or if the work we expect is not the work we do.  Agreement with self covers both — give and take.

 

Everyone who comes into your life will have a different meaning and understanding of the word love.  Assuming that love means the same thing to everyone, that everyone is healthy or that everyone has the same capacity to love, is naive.   People will be people — some will be right and some will be wrong.  It is not possible to avoid every type of person but the reality is, it is possible to avoid letting the wrong person sit in your life without the responsibility or the ability to walk in agreement with you.

 

Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21).  In other words, Jesus is saying words without actions to back it up are just words, not a relationship (1 Corinthians 4:20).  Note To Self:  Everyone who says to you, “I Love You,” will not qualify to enter into or stay in your intimate space — and you have to be emotionally OK with releasing them.  If actions don’t back up the words, you have a verbal agreement, not a love agreement.  Verbal agreements can start a relationship but actions determine whether or not the relationship can continue, or what needs to be done in order for it to become a love agreement.

 

The love you give and the love you expect teaches people how to love you.  If you don’t mistreat yourself or disrespect your agreement with you, if you love people the way you desire to be loved and, if you commit to continuously growing to become the best, healthy, lover that you can be, people will either fit in or fit out…But you won’t be walking in agreement with what you don’t agree with.

 

Share and be blessed.

 

 

Download your free copy of INTAMACY: INTO-ME-SEE. A short, real talk eBook about intimacy from pastor Patrick. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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