YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS STRUGGLING BECAUSE…

Everybody in a relationship should keep this posted in plain sight: “Of course we experience relationship struggles, becoming one can and will be a struggle.”  
 
Relationships that believe otherwise are doomed to sink in the quicksand of unrealistic expectations.  It might survive but love will be a recess between the hell.  What makes us all, Christians, have to deal with relationship struggle with purposeful intent is that we know that God did not put us on this earth or in a relationship to suffer (Jeremiah 29:11).
 
The devil wants you to play emotional ping pong with hurt and to keep wounding each other with friendly fire.  Here it, the devil is at the center of mess.  When I say the devil, I’m not talking about the spooky, I’m talking about familiar spirits.
 
Familiar spirits activate familiar, toxic behavior.  You’re sitting in the relationship, you’re going back and forth over a problem but you’re talking about everything except the problem.  You’re talking about what they did and why you did what you did, and on and on, knowing good and well you’re not solving anything. 
 
Put This In Your Spirit: You cannot solve any problem by fixing a symptom.  A symptom is the result of the problem, not the underlying problem or root.  Problem solving is for grown people.  You know like I know that kids fight without any intent of solving anything — they haven’t emotionally matured to this level, that’s why we call it tantrum.  
 
When relationships waste time throwing tantrums, revisiting and rehashing symptoms, staying in old feelings instead of healing feelings, you have a mess on your hands that messes relationships up. We’ve all been there.  Don’t look at the grass next door, it’s only green because they’ve done their work. They did the work if the grass is not artificial.
  
Most of us have heard, “Do your work.”  But most of us don’t learn how to do the work until we lose the job.  Lose the love, lose the relationship.  Familiar spirits activate emotional demons, dysfunction and feelings that keep us from doing our work. Everybody has to agree to cut the mess out if you’re going to put the devil out. 
 
Familiar spirits are the enemy of love.  They speak into the problem to bait ego, pride and, unrealistic, unhealthy and even fantasy emotions that deceptively justify tantrums and division.  Doing the work is a decision that can only be made after agreeng that the love you signed up for is the love that you’re going to fight for.
 
The bible says, “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it” (Habakkuk 2:2).  Don’t do another thing until you write the love vision down and make it plain. Not a thing. Did you hear the point and purpose of this scripture: “So he may run who reads it.”  You cannot run without knowing where you’re going.
 
The recovery, the healing, the restoration is not possible unless there is a vision that all minds, emotions and intentions agree to (Amos 3:3).  Getting and using the tools, resources or whatever is takes to run in the direction of the vision is what love has to do to love on purpose.  You cannot have an outcome that requires two people if only one person is working or both people aren’t working towards the same goal.  Write the vision and make it plain, then be clear that everybody is on board and ready to die to self for the cause of love.
 
Is it ever easy? No. But if you’re with the right one, the one God assigned to you, all things are possible. It takes commitment, vision and complete and total surrender to your goal of having the best love daily. It takes abiding in the Holy Spirit and a dedication to casting down all contrary spirits, emotions and thoughts that exalt themselves above the knowledge of God (2 Corinthians 10:5).  
 
Don’t let anybody tell you that great love does not require great work and — The ability to forgive, to be vulnerable, to extend grace, to move past the past, to shut down familiar spirits, to prioritize actions that produce healthy love, and the ability to love the love of your life even when you don’t like them or what they did.  Green grass, not artificial grass, is the result of serious work, compassion, desire and motivation that never stops — can’t stop.
 
It’s not a secret.  It’s not magic.  It’s work.  It’s knowing the price before you pay it. We can and do lose the love of our life when familiar spirits overrule and override love, and the will to prioritize actions that run after the vision as opposed to division.  Love is in the work — and work is for those who are ready and able to submit to God’s plan for relationship to be the most incredible love that two people will ever experience on earth (Ephesians 5:21-33).
 
Remember, you aren’t love.  God is love (1 John 4:8).  How much love we give is based on how much of us we move out of loves way: “He must increase but I must decrease.”  That’s intentional love work.
 
 
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RELATIONSHIP DEVOTIONAL: THE GOD IN GOODBYE

 

Nothing draws us closer to God like the hurt that comes from relationship. Love exposes the soul to human extremes, pleasures, and hurts that only love can.
 
If you’ve loved and lost — to win, had to sacrifice a relationship for your greatness, or had to surrender your will to God’s will and let someone go, you’ve had to walk in a closeness with God that does not compare to most other situations.
 
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t start out with the plan or the intent to be hurt just so that we can get closer to God.  No, emotional heart attacks push us into God’s Emergency Room — bleeding, bruised and broken.
 
One of the divine lessons that love will continue to teach us, until we learn it, is that we are not love.  Repeat, we are not love.  God is love (1 John 4:8).  When we’re loving on purpose with whom God planned for us, God is loving through us for them. The bible says it this way, “For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).
 
If, then, God is love and it is His love that is working in us and through us for His pleasure, who we emotionally pick as a mate or to date does not mean that they are a divine match. We would have to say that we were using or know the mind of God in order to convince ourselves that we know, in advance, if someone is meant for us. We don’t have that ability (Romans 11:34. 1 Corinthians 2:11).  We can only use proof, evidence based on behavior that agrees with our Savior (Luke 6:43-45).  Emotions alone are not qualified, and can be too contaminated, to be relied on as the only proof of a divine match.
 
We’re not our own, we belong to God and the supernatural blueprint for our life is not subject to our emotions — it can’t be. We have to pause when we think about the hurt that comes from who walks out or who we have to remove from our life.  Think about it: If someone who is not meant for us leaves our life, a surrendered will would pray for them and wish them well — knowing that God has put a love period where we had a love question mark.  If we cannot genuinely pray for a season and wish them well, we have not surrendered our emotions to God’s will for our life.
 
Put This In Your Spirit: If you aren’t for them, then that means they aren’t for you either. Two wrongs don’t make a God right. God’s plans for your life, and theirs, were created before you were born (Psalm 139:13, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 2:10).   We either are on plan or we’re off track with everybody we meet. Whenever God steps in, it’s to keep our lives on track with His plans: “For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the LORD. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).
 
Emotions that override God’s divine plan, warnings and signs, are disobedient emotions (2 Corinthians 10:5), that are influenced by seductive evil spirits — Our emotional condition will determine the influence familiar spirits can or will have over us.  Jesus came so that we might have life and life more abundantly — only demonic forces are at war with God’s plans for our life (John 10:10).
 
Consider This: Trees shed leaves when it’s time to change seasons — for self-preservation. In other words, even the tree will shed leaves in order to save its life. But know this, when the tree sheds a leaf, not one leaf that falls to the ground kills the tree.
 
Walking in divine truth leads emotions.  It’s a position worked-for, hard-fought for that usually requires retraining our emotions to acknowledge, submit and abide in the will of God.  This is not hardly natural, in fact it is impossible without an intimate relationship with Jesus (John 15:5).
 
Fighting back thoughts and emotions that come from the enemy takes work.  In fact, without abiding in an intimate relationship with Jesus, the work will wear us out (James 4:7) — Especially when the emotions we’re trying to fight are emotions that want what we don’t need. 
 
You don’t have to fake it.  Unless you have an iron brain, it takes a minute to submit to God’s will — every new test requires a new level of submission.  But what we have to remember, consider for our own sake, is this: Emotions that can tell God what to do or tell you to do anything that harms you or your destiny, are influenced by the enemy – no matter how good they feel (2 Corinthians 10:3-4).
 
Break up with fear and emotions that tell you to harm yourself.  Break it off!  Cry if you have to, crawl if you have to and even if you stumble on your way out, submit to God’s will for your life.  When we’re not walking in our divine truth, every season will look like a lifetime and if we’re not careful, long and wrong seasons can become unhealthy soul ties.  
 
When we won’t or can’t do what God’s love requires us to do — learn from the past and step aside, the Holy Spirit will protect us in our weakness by interceding on our behalf (Romans 8:26) —  even when we don’t want to be protected.  When someone is not for us, right for us or not ready for us, God steps in.  It might look like a breakup but if God stepped in, it’s a divine shakeup.  God lets wrong things fall apart so that He can make right things fall together.
 
Put This In Your Spirit: Haven’t you noticed that when you lie to yourself about how you’re being treated by someone, the truth drives you crazy?  No matter what we tell ourselves to try to make wrong right, the truth won’t allow us to be at peace with emotions that break our heart.
 
When people leave your life or have to be removed, it is confirmation that their season is over — not your life.  When you love you with the love of Christ, you don’t ever have to be with somebody to be somebody — happy, healthy and powerful.  The evidence of our surrender to God’s will is in how we respond, react and ultimately recover from a God intervention.   
 
When you know what you bring to the table, you’re not afraid to eat alone.
 
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Relationship Devotional: The Danger Of Talking To Everybody About Your Relationship

It’s tempting to just bear your soul with folks when you’re dealing with relationship troubles or decisions.  We all need somebody to talk to and when we’re in an emotionally stressful or difficult situation, we, both women and men, tend to reach out to people we know.
 
The problem is, everybody we know is not always somebody we should reach out to about our relationship.  God works through wise counselors — neutral, objective people to help guide us in the right path.  The opposite is true when we put our business in the wrong hands.  Putting your relationship business in the wrong hands is like giving your alarm code to a thief.  
 
Put This In Your Spirit: Proverbs 10:14 says, “The wise don’t tell everything they know, but the foolish talk too much and are ruined.” When you’re struggling or going through it in a relationship, there are three people that you should never put in your business: 1) A gossip, 2) A wounded person and, 3) Somebody who is happy if you lose. 
 
Likewise, you cannot put people in your relationship business who will hold on to what you should and will let go of.  You will be surprised at the number of relationships that struggle because an outside influence is holding on to something that the couple has moved on from years ago. If you’re talking to somebody who will hold a permanent grudge, dislike or negative attitude towards your mate, you’re talking to the wrong person.
 
When we’re hurt, we tend to gravitate, emotionally, towards whoever will make us feel good about whatever we want to feel good about. If we want to feel justified about our wrong, we tend to talk to somebody who will go along with us — even when we’re wrong.  These are poisonous conversations.
 
It is not abnormal or crazy to want to hear what feels good when we’re not feeling good.  The problem is, when you expose your relationship to poisonous people, you will poison your relationship.  Keep doing it and you will destroy your relationship.
 
Put This In Your Spirit: When we talk to wrong people about our relationship, before long, talking can turn into an unhealthy partnership with them against our relationship. Confiding in wrong people tends to create wrong, unhealthy emotional alliances that are never healthy for your relationship — it is very dangerous. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
 
Does this mean that we shouldn’t talk to anybody?  No.  Talking is not the problem, who we’re talking to and the objective for talking can be the problem.  Are you talking to the right person for an objective, healthy purpose? Or the wrong person to agree with half the story? Let’s say you’re dating a great person but they have a flaw that you’re trying to decide if it is or should be a deal breaker.  Or let’s say you and your spouse are going through a difficult time.  The last person you need to talk to is somebody who is emotionally hurt, unsupportive of your relationship, unhappy in their relationship, happy to see you single, negative or, somebody who does not believe in the power of God.
 
It’s not always easy to separate the good one’s from the bad one’s.  At the very least, eliminate talking to someone who is obviously poisonous.  Another tip is to always state your objective up front when you’re talking about your relationship with someone — “I want to fix my marriage,” or, “I am trying to look objectively at my behavior/decision,” or, “I need an objective/balanced opinion,” or, “This is not about bashing my relationship or my mate or me leaving,” etc.  If you’re talking to the opposite sex, eliminate anybody who is not a friend/supporter of the relationship or who has a romantic interest (spoken or unspoken).  The devil uses open doors — put a lock on obvious foolery.
 
Whoever you choose to share your relationship business with, just remember that you don’t want to lose a good relationship over bad advice, or turn a temporary problem into a worse or permanent problem.  And you don’t want to make a decision based on somebody else’s hurt or ignorance. Word to the wise: Don’t give someone the ability to speak death over your love life when you’re trying to save it.
 
Seek God’s wisdom — don’t just read the bible but search the scripture for God’s wisdom about the problem you’re having.  It makes no sense for us to read the bible without purpose when we’re needing a answer about a specific issue.  No matter what you’re dealing with, the bible has a wisdom principle that will guide you to right thinking, right people and right answers.  If you don’t believe it, leave a comment below for a topic/issue you’re dealing with for a wisdom scripture(s) that will address it specifically.
 
Trust God for your destiny love decisions.  Always make the love of your life the first and the last conversation about your destiny together.  Relationships are hard enough, don’t add gasoline to the fire.
 
Share and be blessed.
 
 
  
 
 
 
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“The eBook by Pastor Patrick,”Where Are All The Good Men At?,” takes the gloves off as Pastor Patrick keeps it real and tells you what your heart needs to know to take the weight off your wait and to keep your emotions in check while God prepares your Mr. Right.” LWAtlanta
 
“So real, so deep. Every woman should give this powerful eBook to every woman — young and old, she knows as a gift of love, honesty and power. REALLY.”  MG, San Francisco
 
 
 

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RELATIONSHIP DEVOTIONAL: ALONE AND LONELY ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

Being alone can sometimes feel lonely but single is not a death sentence.  Yes, we all love companionship and yes we enjoy good company.  We’re human and, we were created to love someone who loves us intimately and uniquely.
 
But alone is who we’re with and lonely is being miserable with who we’re with. Lonely has to be with somebody to be somebody. But people don’t cure our loneliness, loneliness is an inside job. 
 
No, we don’t have to be satisfied being alone but content, yes (Philippians 4:11-12).  Why?  Contentment or Joy is a fought-for, struggled-for fruit of the spirit that the fruit of self-control relies on (Galatians 5:22-23).  Anybody who has ever hooked up with somebody while they were lonely will tell you that, 1) A spirit of loneliness makes you feel out of control, and 2) A spirit of loneliness robs us of our joy, and causes our heart to leak with low self-esteem, low self-love, distrust and obsession. 
 
All of us have gone to the grocery store hungry.  When we shop with hunger, starvation, we don’t make wise decisions, we make desperate decisions — something quick, something easy and something right now.  When we shop hungry, we almost always buy something that we don’t need.
 
Loneliness that causes unhealthy emotional hunger is no different. Unhealthy emotional hunger tends to use temporary emotions to make long-term decisions — in the heat of the moment.  If you’ve gotten into a relationship because you were lonely, hungry, chances are the relationship didn’t last long — if you knew you were only looking for a snack, that might have worked for you.
 
But if you were looking for a lifetime relationship, you probably found out that as soon as the hunger was satisfied, emotions filled up, the attraction wore off.  After you sobered up, you might have even experienced Hunger After Shock — that feeling of, “Did or why did I choose that?”  A relationship initiated out of hunger is usually intense in the beginning — that’s why it can be confusing, but it’s always mild in the middle and it melts down after a short period of time.
 
Loving on purpose takes soul work.  When our soul is right, healed, healthy and content, we are ready for our soul match.  Remember a soul mate can be an unhealthy match but a soul match is that person who God planned for our best self.  Our soul match compliments our willingness to be by ourselves if being with someone else means being miserable. 
 
In other words, we tend to mate with someone who matches our soul condition.  Loneliness is not a condition that you want to attract or mate with.  A lifetime love is somebody who we choose to do life with, not somebody we have to put up with for the rest of our life. How we choose to be alone is up to the individual but however we choose to be alone, we should enjoy it to the fullest — Date, learn, grow.
 
When you know what you bring to the table, you don’t mind eating alone.
 
We have to check our heart before we check into a relationship. God will guide us into the path that He planned for us when our heart is ready, willing and able. We don’t and won’t always get it right but before you get emotionally caught up, pray this simple prayer: “Lord, create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10) — and listen with honest ears. One thing is for sure, we cannot recognize a swine when we’re out of our emotional mind (Matthew 7:6).
 
Share and be blessed.
 
  
 
 
 
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“The eBook by Pastor Patrick,”Where Are All The Good Men At?,” takes the gloves off as Pastor Patrick keeps it real and tells you what your heart needs to know to take the weight off your wait and to keep your emotions in check while God prepares your Mr. Right.” LWAtlanta
 
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DON’T LET THE LIGHT GO OUT

A little love takes a little effort.  A lot of love takes a lot of effort.  Nobody has great love without putting in great work.  It’s not that complicated but the truth is, it’s not that easy to keep the light on.
 
If you’re sitting in a relationship with the light going out, you cannot sit back and expect love to do the work.  Love won’t do anything that we don’t do.  Love is not going to make us feel anything that actions don’t support.  We can love somebody but without actions, love is just a word.
 
Sometimes we get caught up wanting the feeling of love without doing the work or putting in the work to keep the light on.  You cannot make somebody want the light and love cannot produce light without two people working together.
 
It’s not one person’s responsibility.  It’s not one person’s job.  It’s not, “What are they going to do for you,” it’s what are the two people going to do that makes love work.  Take off the mentality that they are supposed to make you happy — that’s immature love.  Mature love is reciprocal not selfish.  Mature love gives to get, it does not wait to get.  Mature love makes the light shine, it does not sit in the dark and complain about what somebody else is not doing.
 
God said, “How can two walk together unless they agree” (Amos 3:3).  Making an agreement to let love shine is the beginning of powerful loving.  Correction to the misconception: Love is not like.  You have not loved somebody until you have had to love them even when you don’t like them.
 
Don’t get it twisted.  God didn’t give us a mate for us to be loved.  God gave us a mate to love.  Two givers make love.  When we love somebody who has it backwards, that’s a relationship between a giver and a taker, not a giver and a giver.
 
Don’t accept less, don’t give less, don’t even consider less than what God planned for you.  Settling for less, making an emotional meal out of emotional crumbs, trying to get by on fumes are all light killers.  You don’t have to trade your life for death or a love that is not worth having.  Your destiny is too important for that.
 
Make a decision. Love like there is no tomorrow every day.  Don’t let laziness compromise your light.  Don’t give the enemy a door to create division or confusion.  Be sold out, be submitted to having the best love that any two people can have — And commit to prioritizing priorities that make it happen (Ephesians 5:21).  
 
If you’re with the right person, you have what it takes to have the best.  Don’t play, grow out of immature games that sabotage love.  Remind yourself that the light will not stay on by itself, and we cannot expect more out of love than we put into it.
 
Love to win.  Love to shine.  Love to be a light for somebody else who needs to see what it looks like when two people are committed to loving unselfishly, unconditionally, uninhibited and undeterred.  Your love is God’s love and whenever your love walks into a room, the room should get brighter.
 
Share and be blessed.
 
 
 
  
 
 
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WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN AT?

Ladies, you aren’t looking for all the good men.  In fact, you aren’t looking, you’re positioning and preparing to be complimented not completed.
 
Don’t let the crowd tell you that there aren’t any good men.  The crowd is not looking for your good man.  Your good man is the one that God set aside just for you.
 
You haven’t dated all men, you’ve dated the wrong men, seasons and lessons.  Stop tripping over the wrong one’s, the right one is not every man.  If there’s only one right man, that means that 99% of the men you meet are going to be, are supposed to be, have to be the wrong man — for you.
 
The wrong one is only a problem if temporary emotions make permanent decisions.  If your emotions follow, not lead, your decisions, the wrong one should confirm that you are true to holding on to your pearls until the right one shows up.
 
Put This In Your Spirit: You can’t expect what you don’t believe you deserve.  Deserving is not just what he brings to the table, deserving is what you bring to the table that makes what you deserve a reality and not a fantasy.  You’re not perfect and neither is he but you will be perfectly capable of being perfect for each other.
 
If you’re single and waiting or, even if you’re dating or serious about somebody, you owe it to your journey to feed your soul with the powerful eBook by Pastor Patrick — “Where are all the good men at?”  Raw, relevant and real! 
 
 
 
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“The eBook by Pastor Patrick,”Where Are All The Good Men At?,” takes the gloves off as Pastor Patrick keeps it real and tells you what your heart needs to know to take the weight off your wait and to keep your emotions in check while God prepares your Mr. Right.” LW, Atlanta
 
“So real, so deep. Every woman should give this powerful eBook to every woman — young and old, she knows as a gift of love, honesty and power. REALLY.”  MG, San Francisco
 
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TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO LOVE YOU

Every person that comes into our life is there by permission only.  With the exception of family — we choose who we allow in our intimate space and they learn how to love us by what we allow and what we do — not what we say. 
 
That part, what we allow, is not as simple as it sounds because allowance is often confused with tolerance.  Healthy allowance is not the same as unhealthy tolerance.  Unhealthy toleration is allowing the unacceptable.  What we healthily allow, in general, should be based on wisdom, benefit or, healthy compassion or compromise. Note To Self: If you accept what you should reject, you will become unhealthy.
 
The bible says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3).  This is tricky because, as this scripture implies, before we can agree to walk together with somebody else, we have to have an agreement with and for ourselves about love.
 
Agreement with self is the beginning of teaching people how to love us or knowing when we’re with someone who wants to hold us but cannot handle the requirements of us.  Think about an agreement, any agreement, that disagrees with the agreement that you have with yourself…Would you accept that agreement?  No, not if you are convicted and convinced about the benefits of the love agreement that you have with you.
 
Put this in your spirit: Not only is it important to have an agreement with ourselves about love, it is also important to know whether or not our agreement with self is healthy.  
 
A love agreement with ourselves is only as good as it is healthy.  An unhealthy agreement with self is based on unhealthy, insecure, immature or damaged emotions, or an inability to trust or rely on self to honor your agreement. An unhealthy love agreement with self is the same as not having a love agreement at all.  Note To Self:  We cannot give, teach or walk in agreement with what we don’t have.  Establish a healthy love agreement with self and pray for the strength and the courage to honor it by whatever Godly means necessary. 
 
Not that you are perfect, not that the love of your life will be perfect and, not that love does not require work, vulnerability, flexibility and compromise, but the only direction that you can agree to go in has to prosper you and not harm you — or them (Jeremiah 29:11).  Honoring your love with behavior that agrees with your Savior (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), goes for what you expect and what you give.  We cannot convince somebody that we have a healthy agreement with self if the love we expect is not the love we give.  Or if the work we expect is not the work we do.  Agreement with self covers both — give and take.
 
Everyone who comes into your life will have a different meaning and understanding of the word love.  Assuming that love means the same thing to everyone, that everyone is healthy or that everyone has the same capacity to love, is naive.   People will be people — some will be right and some will be wrong.  It is not possible to avoid every type of person but the reality is, it is possible to avoid letting the wrong person sit in your life without the responsibility or the ability to walk in agreement with you.
 
Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21).  In other words, Jesus is saying words without actions to back it up are just words, not a relationship (1 Corinthians 4:20).  Note To SelfEveryone who says to you, “I Love You,” will not qualify to enter into or stay in your intimate space — and you have to be emotionally OK with releasing them.  If actions don’t back up the words, you have a verbal agreement, not a love agreement.  Verbal agreements can start a relationship but actions determine whether or not the relationship can continue, or what needs to be done in order for it to become a love agreement.
 
The love you give and the love you expect teaches people how to love you.  If you don’t mistreat yourself or disrespect your agreement with you, if you love people the way you desire to be loved and, if you commit to continuously growing to become the best, healthy, lover that you can be, people will either fit in or fit out…But you won’t be walking in agreement with what you don’t agree with.
 
Share and be blessed.
 
Senior Pastor, FAITHHILL Church
San Leandro, CA
 
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Soul Ties

How does someone become tied to our soul? What is it about a soul tie that makes them sweet and poisonous at the same time?
 
Everybody we meet makes a deposit into our soul. Some shallow, some deep, some healthy and some unhealthy. The unhealthy soul tie is not like other connections.  An unhealthy soul tie is not simply an emotionally or spiritually unhealthy person, an unhealthy soul tie is any person or relationship that medicates our unhealthiness.  That’s hard to swallow but the truth is, unhealthy mates with unhealthy. 
 
An unhealthy soul produces unhealthy thoughts, attractions and addictions that control or dominate feelings and behavior. An unhealthy soul tie is a reflection of our soul condition — despite our spiritual position. Our spiritual position — belief in God and the bible, can co-exist with our emotional affliction or unhealthy condition. You can be saved and emotionally broken or suffering at the same time (Romans 7:19-25).
 
Consider this: Holy people can have holes in their heart. A hole is simply an unhealed wound from the past that exposes us to emotional addictions. Addictions aren’t to something, they’re for something — An addict is not addicted to drugs, an addict is addicted to pain — unresolved, unacknowledged, unhealed pain. The drug of choice medicates the pain — and usually ends up being abused (drug abuse).  People can be our drug of choice.
 
Pain does not always make us miserable, emotional pain can be silent but deadly. If we’ve lived with pain our entire lives or if we’ve been trained by toxic teachers, pain can hide in our soul and even make crazy seem normal or make dysfunction feel natural.
 
An unhealthy soul tie always tells us something about ourselves that we didn’t know, need to know or have denied knowing. If you think about it, what could cause us to be hopelessly in love with someone who is emotionally poisonous or causes us to become self-destructive? It’s not them…Alcohol does not make people alcoholics, pain does — alcohol or whatever the drug of choice is, medicates the pain.
 
Listen to your soul. Listen to the emotions that an unhealthy soul tie motivates — can you hear it? Do you hear what you sound like? Does the rationalization sound anything like what an addict would say about their drug of choice? Justification, rationalization for abusing anything or anyone to our detriment is confirmation that we’re not OK, something is wrong, we need to heal.
 
Put this in your spirit: The bible does not speak of soul ties. “Soul Tie” is not a biblical reference, it’s an emotional condition — like any other that results in an unhealthy influence over our behavior. What the bible does say is that we are to guard our hearts: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). It also tells us that we must renew our minds (Romans 12:2), and we must keep our soul healthy: “…May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ(1 Thessalonians 5:23).
 
In the demonic world, unholy soul ties can serve as bridges between two people to pass STD’s — Spiritually Transmitted Diseases – 1 Corinthians 6:15-17.  An unhealthy soul tie can create a portal through which the enemy can exploit our contaminated emotions and use our brokenness to sabotage our greatness. Unhealthy soul ties can do things such as allow one person to manipulate and control another person, and in many cases cause one person to emotionally suffer while the other person is unaware of what is going on — Or knows what is going on but for no real or healthy reason allows it to continue.
 
Whenever our spirit and soul has been unhealthily connected to another the signs include:
  • Obsessive preoccupation with another or inability to move past an emotionally, mentally or spiritually unhealthy relationship
  • Tendencies to seek to recreate or reproduce feelings from an unhealthy relationship
  • Pattern of behavior that consistently engages in relationships with unhealthy people
  • Treats relationships like a drug or a fix for a temporary high and easily discards relationships after the high wears off
  • Tendency to be domineering or controlling in a relationship
 
To begin the work to untie an unhealthy soul tie, we have to acknowledge and respect that they aren’t the issue. Repeat that as often as you need to. “They are not the issue.” The unhealthy soul tie does not tie us, we tie them to us through unhealthy emotions that are medicated by them. This is where the work comes in.
 
Prayer will open our heart to God’s will and desire for our lives. Change comes from putting boots on our faith and going to work (James 2:17).  Soul work is not easy work, it is the most difficult work to do because it requires acknowledgement, humility and uncommon conviction to  unbecome our deep, negative roots. Soul work requires getting the knowledge and support to help us to do the work to renew our mind, replace unhealthy emotions with healthy ones and to create emotional boundaries to stay sober. You’re not just working on your healing but you’re also working on loving yourself on a conscious level, a level that honors your potential and your temple.
 
Untying an unhealthy soul tie begins and ends with us (Proverbs 1:15). Even if today’s unhealthy soul tie is removed or leaves, if we don’t heal the hurt in our soul, another soul tie will come along to replace them.
 
Every soul tie is a lie. The truth is, they are, and their attention or affection is our drug of choice to medicate our addiction to a pain, an unhealthy desire, an unhealthy belief, or dysfunction that we have to do our internal work to uproot.  No matter what the tie is, remember, “With you it is impossible but with God, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).  With God’s help, we can untie the toxic root in order to untie ourselves from unhealthy people.
 
Share and be blessed.
 
 
Pastor Patrick
 
 
 
 
Power for your push! Feed your soul with this powerful eBook devotional by Pastor Patrick: “Getting Past The Past”
 
 

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